American Husbandry

You all know we’re registered at Target, right?  Good.

There are several things that I would like to add to the baby registry that I’m told simply wouldn’t be appropriate. So here’s my list:

I’d like to add toys for the dogs, because once this beautiful baby arrives I’m going to neglect them.  It’s true – I saw it in Lady And The Tramp. Disney never lies.

I’d like to register for a carpet steamer because we have dogs, carpets, and pretty soon a baby.  And baby’s do their thing on the ground, with their mouth open and drippy.  I just think it would be cleaner.

I’d really like a mitre saw with a telescoping arm on it for cross-cutting 2X10s.  And also a chainsaw.  These things are awesome, and I want to be an awesome dad.

I think we should register for a banjo.  My guitar playing skills are known worldwide and I think it’s time for a banjo.  A banjo would allow me to learn Rainbow Connection, which is a lovely song that I would like to sing to Princess Ninja Lukens (or whatever we call her).

I would like to register for a 1.5 of Johnny Walker black.  For when the baby starts teething.

Leona and I would like Pittsburgh Penguins jerseys.  Nothing says, “I give up!  I’m a parent and I’ll never be cool again!” quite like wearing a sports jersey while pushing a stroller through the Mall of America.  I can’t wait!

It’s 8:15 am.  I should probably get ready for work now.