What’s best for baby

Posted November 30, 2009 by lukens
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Lots of strange things go through your head when you’re about to be a dad.  I heard a tale of a guy who, in his wife’s final semester, went out and got CPR certified – just in case.  For me, it’s a bit different.

I worry about lots of things.  I worry about our daughter not having anyone to sit with at lunch in school. I worry about her learning to cross the street safely. I worry about her feeling short changed because her birthday will be so close to Christmas. I worry that one day, thinking I know what’s best, I will force her to do something she really doesn’t like at the expense of allowing her to do something she is truly passionate about.

I know that no matter what I do the day will come when I will disappoint her. And I don’t mean over something stupid, like not getting the trendy toy of the year. It will be later in her life, probably when she is a teenager. She will discover all on her own that I’m not perfect, that I’m fallible, that I’m not invincible. I know that day will make me sad.

I worry about the baby costing me so much money that I resent her. Like if she wrecks a car when she learns to drive. Right now, if someone wrecked my car I would be very upset and I would resent that person. I hope that won’t hold true with my daughter. I hope I will be able to forgive her quickly without excusing serious offenses.

I hope she’s like her mother: strong, smart, and capable of amazing compassion.  I hope she enjoys playing sports and games for the sake of playing, without caring too much about the outcome. I hope she is coordinated, like her mother.

But do I want her to be like me? Perhaps that’s what I worry about the most. I would like her to enjoy building, painting, creating, writing and playing music like I do. But I hope that she doesn’t come with all of the side effects.

About three years ago I began suffering from what my doctor at the time identified as anxiety. Two years ago, after a better doctor encouraged me to see a therapist, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which is kind of like Bipolar Disorder Lite. I’m so thankful for that diagnosis, as it allowed me to finally begin to understand how some of my favorite parts of my personality were related to some of my least favorite parts.

Leona has been wonderful and supportive. With her help, I am able to manage largely without any medication (Let’s not disqualify the merits of a well placed Xanax, okay?). A good diet, regular fitness and keeping somewhat of a regular schedule have made a big difference. My wife and friends not only put up with me, but help keep me on track as well.

I worry that my daughter might suffer from Bipolar Disorder too. I worry that I won’t recognize it. I worry that she might be ashamed of it and hide it, or try to deal with it all on her own. And while I want her to experience the highs – the feelings of invincibility, the euphoria, the joy of being productive and creative – I also want to protect her from the terrible, debilitating lows – the depression, the loneliness, the chronic exhaustion.

Maybe once she’s here all of these concerns will seem petty. Maybe the worry fades away. I don’t know. I hope so.  Right now I feel like we’re in a holding pattern, just waiting for our daughter and knowing that our lives will change in amazing and huge ways, but not being able to anticipate how those changes will take shape.

I’m taking a break from the blog for a while. Maybe a long while.

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Our country is messed up

Posted November 24, 2009 by lukens
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I’m about to be a dad, which gives me the right to deviate from the norm and open up a little bit.

Nobody remembers the Romans for their intricate investment products.  Nobody remembers the Greeks for their healthcare system.  I don’t know if the Egyptians have a single filibuster in their history. So why do we settle?

The great civilizations in history are remembered for their contributions to the arts and sciences, and yet our culture seems to be ruled by predatory commerce and runaway greed.

I don’t blame the banks. I don’t blame the healthcare system. I don’t blame the doctors, the hospitals, or the insurance companies. I don’t blame realtors or mortgage lenders or even Ben Bernake.

I blame us, all of us.We’ve compromised the morals of our heritage and settled for easy credit without thinking about the consequences.  We’ve given up on taking care of ourselves because we feel entitled to have someone else take care of us.

Instead of paying interest, what’s so bad about saving? Instead of waiting until we’re sick to seek care, what’s wrong with eating healthy, exercising, and taking care of ourselves?  Instead of treating symptoms – both medical and economical – with expensive bandages, why not try to treat the underlying causes?

Leona and I have certainly made our share of mistakes in these matters, and that’s our business.  We’re not looking for someone to fix it for us.

Knowing that I’m going to soon be a father definitely changes my view of the world.  So, for our part, Leona and I are going to try to consume less, and to give more.  We’re learning that sense of accomplishment that comes from buying a new sofa doesn’t begin to rival the sense of accomplishment that comes from walking the dogs around the lake. We don’t use credit cards and we pay down our loans ahead of schedule whenever we can.

Imagine if we didn’t have financing.  Imagine if we took care of our own health and didn’t rely on prescription drugs with 800% margins. Would it hurt the economy?  Maybe.  It would change it.

Sometimes I think about things like this.  If just 25% of Americans decided that they were never again going to buy something on credit, what would that do? Would it make banks more competitive? Would it reduce their exposure to risk, thereby making them stronger banks? If we stopped buying new cars, they’d come down in price. They’d get better. They’d have to. Manufacturers would have to work harder to give us better products for less. It’s supply and demand. And right now, and for the past few decades, Americans have demanded so much stuff – just amazing amounts of stuff – that we’ve been willing to pay far, far too much for it and to lower our standards on the quality of the stuff.  This includes cars, financing for homes, toys for our children painted with lead paint, fast food burgers with three patties, bacon and cheese!, furbies, $70 video games that we’ll beat in 2 weeks, overpriced-and-poorly-made furniture for our homes (Pier One), and more.

I’m rambling now.  But this is how one’s mind works when one is expecting their first child.

Oh well, maybe I’m rambling.

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Shoutouts

Posted November 12, 2009 by lukens
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  • The gal who smokes in front of our building, right by the doors and insists on taking the elevator even though she works on the second floor.
  • The guy who leaves his car at the pump while he goes inside, takes a big poop, shops around for a while even though it’s the AM rush and the place is packed.
  • That other lady who talks on her cellphone in the lobby of the office building and waits until you are in the elevator and the door is closing before uttering a “Oh, hold that please…” and then deciding to wrap up her phone call.
  • The tranny at the skyway coffee shop.  Brotha/Sista hooks me up with the trivia discount every time.
  • Dave Eggers and Spike Jones for turning a perfectly awesome, nonsensical and fun children’s story into a sad, depressing mess.

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Double standards

Posted October 29, 2009 by lukens
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I’m not bitching about my wife here, but I have come to notice a few double standards around our household that strike me as ridiculous.  Like any healthy marriage, we have our share of disagreements, arguments, and failed communication.  What’s that have to do with the double standards?  Maybe nothing, maybe everything.

First up, let’s visit my favorite room in the house: the bathroom. Leona keeps a little glass in there, for drinking water or Listerine.  I’ve been fighting this miserable cold for about a week and had brought up a glass that I set out with some cold medicine, so that in the middle of the night I wouldn’t have to dig around through the cabinets for it.

Leona’s glass has been there for months.  I took it downstairs once and put it in the dishwasher, thinking I was being a help.  I got scolded. How dare I!

My glass lasted about 22 hours before I got scolded for that too.  Now I know that maybe I also had some Benadryl out too, but that’s not the point.  The double standard here is that she is supposed to have her glass there, and I’m not allowed to have one.

Next up we have our lovely Dyson.  Loyal readers know I love to vacuum with that thing.  And I know the drill – run the Dyson, wrap the cord back up, and put it back where it goes in that weird corner in the kitchen.  I follow that rule.

Leona used it to vacuum the baby’s room the other day (about an hour after I already vacuumed the Baby’s room, but that’s a different story). Three days later she caught me – heaven forbid – wrapping up the cord to put the thing away. “What are you doing?”

In the car, when Leona’s driving the rule is that the driver picks the music.  When I’m driving, the rule is that the passenger picks the music.  What’s up with that?  So what if I like awesome rap and acid jazz?  So what if I put the two on a mix CD together?  Play fair! That’s all I’m asking!

So here the double standard is that I have to put things away when I’m done with them, and Leona does not.

Now I know the facts here: I am a slob, I am lazy, and the Yankees suck.  Nobody is disputing any of that. Rules are made to have exceptions, and I married Leona because she is exceptional in every way. I know I have tons of leeway in other areas. I just think that there’s some irony about some of these double standards.

I’d love to hear some other examples, if anyone wants to offer them up.

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A slightly memorable mistake

Posted October 25, 2009 by lukens
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I’ve been sick for about a week. It’s not the flu. I don’t have a fever. I’ve just been stuffed up and coughing.

To get to bed, I’ve been relying on a combination of Nyquil and Vick’s Vapo Rub. It seems to get me to sleep. Last night I made a bit of a mistake.

After smearing my chest, neck, arms and ears with Vick’s, I peed. But without washing my hands in between. Yikes!

Climbing in to bed I noticed a bit of a tingling and Leona and I had to laugh about it. But not for too long – the Nyquil kicked in pretty quick.

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Where I’ve been this week

Posted October 23, 2009 by lukens
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I’ve been sick.  I didn’t want to do anything, so no updates.

But, we’ve got another song over on the band website: www.thesessionists.com. Check it.

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Sports: live vs. tv

Posted October 19, 2009 by lukens
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I like sports, but I’m lazy about it.  I like sports from the sofa.  Sometimes I can’t even imagine suffering through a live sporting event when you’re actually attending the event.

I’m sitting here tonight enjoying yet another post-season Phillies game.  i have some friends at the game in Philly.  I’m sure it’s fun and all that, but how the hell do you keep track of what’s going on?  I mean, without these guys on the TV telling me important things, I wouldn’t know any of the important things.  And honestly, it’s the important things that make sports worthwhile.  Things like stats.  If I didn’t know how many times this manager spit on the ground when there are two outs in an inning that’s also a prime number, I would probably just fall asleep.

Also I hate parking.  And walking.  So the whole idea of going to a sporting event where I have to park and then walk is pretty unappealing to me.

I hate assholes, and there are lots of assholes at live sporting events.  Although sometimes I’m the asshole, like that time I was at the HSBC arena watching the Sabre’s play the Rangers yelling from the upper level, “Lindros you SUCK!” at the top of my lungs.

I also enjoy the pause button the DVR.  It’s great for those situations like the this-play-could-be-important-but-I-really-gotta-poop.  Or the if-the-score-here-I’m-gonna-wish-I-had-a-full-beer.

Beer is another reason against going to events.  It’s like $12.75 for a Budweiser.  That crap is barely even beer to begin with.  And then I have one, and then I get all yawny.  And then I have to pee and I get all the performance anxiety in the men’s room, making peeing an excruciating experience that leaves me wrought with self doubt and feelings of ineptitude.

At home, I can drink some fancy-pants microbrew (currently Michelob) and pee in the comfort of my own bathroom/utility sink/back yard.

I would rather watch something on TV than live.  I think there are a few exceptions (January 11, when I go cheer on the Penguins as they destroy the Wild here in St. Paul; and also free tickets, duh), but for the most part it comes down to the ability to pee without crying.

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Pregnancy takes too long

Posted October 13, 2009 by lukens
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Pregnancy takes too long.  Too damn long.  Leona’s been pregnant for like two years at this point.  Enough already!  Let me meet my kid!

We’ve got two months of this stuff left, and it’s not looking good.  She can barely put her shoes on.  I got home tonight from band practice and she said, “I think I spilled something on my pants.  But I can’t see to be sure.”  And we have two months left.

It’s not like we’re sitting around ready for this baby.  We’re not.  The shower was this weekend and we got tons of great gifts.  We sorted through most of it.  But now we have to wash the little miniature clothing and put it in the drawers, and make the bed, and hang the paintings up, and get rid of the old bookshelf in that room, and find a new rug, and blah blah blah the list goes on forever.

Despite all the to-dos left on our to-do list, we’re ready.  Let this little thing show up tomorrow.  No more of these crazy shapes on my wife’s stomach moving around like living play-doh while I’m trying to watch football on Sunday.  No more, “Sorry honey, the baby has gas” when I’m woken up in the middle of the night to what at first appears to be a chemical attack.

And, perhaps most surprisingly, no more sweets!  Between the pies, apple crisps, brownies, ice cream, cookies… I think I may need a break.  I don’t want fruit (let’s not be crazy). But I’d love to just drink some booze with my wife again.  And then do things that happy drunken couples do together…like pass out watching Happy Gilmore.

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Carpet Shampooer

Posted October 5, 2009 by lukens
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I broke Leona down this weekend and we bought a carpet shampooer.  She would be mad if I told you how disgusting the carpet was, so instead I will tell you about how awesome it is.

This thing is totally friggin’ awesome.  I ran it over the dining room area rug, which used to be the living room area rug.  I ran it three times, once with soap and twice just on rinse.  Oh man, this thing is awesome.

I while back I wrote about my love affair with our Dyson.  Now, I’m in love with our Bissel.  I will probably be choosing a different area rug each weekend and just shampooing the heck out of it for weeks to come.

My excuse in buying it was that I need clean carpets for the baby, of course.  But it’s more than that.  I need to feel the steam from the machine, I need to see that water getting sucked up through the little water-sucking-channel into the tank.  I need that sense of accomplishment that comes with dumping that filthy awesome water down the drain.

The way I look at it, it could be much worse.  A husband who enjoys vacuuming and cleaning the carpets is a whole lot better than, say, a husband who spends two nights a week out pretending to be in a rock band.

Oh.  Wait a minute.

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Things for the baby registry

Posted September 29, 2009 by lukens
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You all know we’re registered at Target, right?  Good.

There are several things that I would like to add to the baby registry that I’m told simply wouldn’t be appropriate. So here’s my list:

I’d like to add toys for the dogs, because once this beautiful baby arrives I’m going to neglect them.  It’s true – I saw it in Lady And The Tramp. Disney never lies.

I’d like to register for a carpet steamer because we have dogs, carpets, and pretty soon a baby.  And baby’s do their thing on the ground, with their mouth open and drippy.  I just think it would be cleaner.

I’d really like a mitre saw with a telescoping arm on it for cross-cutting 2X10s.  And also a chainsaw.  These things are awesome, and I want to be an awesome dad.

I think we should register for a banjo.  My guitar playing skills are known worldwide and I think it’s time for a banjo.  A banjo would allow me to learn Rainbow Connection, which is a lovely song that I would like to sing to Princess Ninja Lukens (or whatever we call her).

I would like to register for a 1.5 of Johnny Walker black.  For when the baby starts teething.

Leona and I would like Pittsburgh Penguins jerseys.  Nothing says, “I give up!  I’m a parent and I’ll never be cool again!” quite like wearing a sports jersey while pushing a stroller through the Mall of America.  I can’t wait!

It’s 8:15 am.  I should probably get ready for work now.

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